A Talent for Vengeance - Results Show

Scene 1
(Drones Eli and Nate are in the host kitchen, mixing the motor oil and Tabasco sauce for Drone 9300.)
Drone Eli: This is rich. We used to have drones doing things for us. Now we’re the ones puttering around like we’re on kitchen duty.
Drone Nate: That's because we are on kitchen duty, you blasted drone fool.
Drone Eli: Watch it, you. don't make me come over there.
Drone Nate: Oh yeah?
Drone Eli: Yeah.
Drone Nate: Yeah?
Drone Eli: Yeah!
(Right as they're about to really get going, a ping comes over the host PA.)
Drone 9300: Where's my Motor Oil and Tabasco sauce?
Drone Nate: On it's way, sir.
Drone 9300: Well, get moving!
(As the PA shuts off, the pot comes to a boil.)
Drone Eli: alright alright. The motor oil is bubbling away, my temperature sensor indicates it is at exactly one and a half dragon fires.
Drone Nate: Perfect. Here's the Tabasco sauce.
Drone Eli: (Takes the sauce with a clink) Why thank you, old chap. Ehem, that accent sounds weird coming out of a drone, doesn't it?
Drone Nate: (Sighs) Yes. I miss lad's night.
Drone Eli: Me, too. (Glug glug as sauce is poured.) 
Drone Eli: You know… this is the first time in a month we’ve been left alone.
(beat)
Drones Eli and Nate: Idiots!
Drone Eli: (Over continuous glug glug in contemplative voice) With all the back doors to the coder's hut around here, I bet we could easily turn ourselves back into hosts.
Drone Nate: (Interrupting Eli sounding scandalized) Drone Eli! I think that's quite enough Tabasco sauce!
Drone Eli: What are you talking about, you want to have a kick to it, really get the motors purring.
Drone Nate: It's Tabasco sauce and! motor oil. Not Tabasco sauce decorated with a smidgen of motor oil.
Drone Eli: Oh can it, old man. I’m not just any drone. I’m a motor oil connoisseur. (Beat) I once paired 10W-30 with artisanal garlic salt.
Drone Nate: On your dome be it, then. Ready to lift?
Drone Eli: Affirmative.
Drone Nate: One!
Drone Eli: Two!
Drones Eli and Nate: Three!
(There is a groan of metal as they begin carrying the pot out of the kitchen.)
Drone Nate: You sure we shouldn’t have asked for a forklift protocol?
Drone Eli: What, and admit we’re getting old?
Drone Nate: All I'm saying is, Drone 9300 better appreciate this. Blasted thing is heavy.
Drone Eli: Less ... complaining ... more ... lifting!
(they and the pot trundle out of the kitchen.)

Scene 2

(We open on an empty Dante's lab. The door creeks open, and Drones Eli and Nate sneak in.)
Drone Eli: Jackpot! Dante's not here.
Drone Nate: Perfect. Back door to the coder’s hut should be just around here. Dante had it put in just in case he locked himself out of his host account. Again! I can just
(Drone Nate trails off as they make their way across the lab.)
Drone Eli: Just what?
Drone Nate: Drone Eli?
Drone Eli: Yes?
(there is a rumbling.)
Drone Nate: Back away. (Beat) Slowly.
Drone Eli: Come on! We're right there!
Drone Nate: (Calling out in warning) Drone Eli No!
(But it is too late. A pressure plate is pressed, and both drones are yanked into the air and placed on a turn table and begin swinging around and around in circles.)
Drone Eli: What is happening?
Drone Nate: You triggered the trap!
Drone Eli: No, really? The giant record player didn’t tip you off?
Drone Nate: Watch the arm of the needle!
Drone Eli: The arm of the what? (Clang!) Ow!
Drone Nate: I told you!
Drone Eli: What's that sound?
Drone Nate: Probably the ringing in your ears from that nasty whack on the dome you just took!
Drone Eli: No, you rusted dunce bucket!
Drone Nate: I say, no need for language like that, you toolbox of bolts!
Drones Nate and Eli (in sync): It’s the recap!
Drone Nate: Watch the...
(CLANG)
Drone Eli: ...Needle. Thanks.
(The recap begins.)

(As the recap ends, there is a clang as Drones Eli and Nate tumble off the edge of the turn table, groaning in pain.)
Drone Eli: That sings.
Drone Nate: I'm not much better off, old drone.
Sarafina (cheerfully): There you two are! I figured you’d be dangling from something.
(The drones jump guiltily.)
Drone Nate: What? No we're not here.
Drone Eli: It's all your imagination.
Sarafina: Yeah. Okay. Whatever you say. Laurel's sent me to grab the third place trophy from Dante's lab. It's just finished compiling. but since you're here, you can take it to the admin area for me.
Drone Nate: Wait, why can't you take it?
Sarafina: Because I don’t want to. And you clearly need something to do. Bye!
(Sarafina walks off.)
Drone Eli: Right. Let's leg it before anyone else discovers us in here.
Drone Nate: Sure. Just let me grab the trophy.
Drone Eli: Oh alright. So you can clobber Laurel with it? Rather harsh I should think.
Drone Nate: Of course not, you blasted fool! So we can take it to the admin area!
Drone Eli: Oh alright. But then, we're going to look for another coder's hut back door. I don't fancy staying drones forever.
(Transition to the admin area, and Drones Nate and Eli are bringing the trophy in.)
Laurel: Just in time. Pop the trophy right over there.
(Drones grumble inarticulately as they carry it over.)
Laurel: Oh and once you've done that, I need some tea.
Drone Eli: Great. Back to the kitchen. couldn't you have asked for tea when we were there?
Laurel: Oh, I don't want that rubbish. Nate, I want (Emphasis on the word That) that tea.
Drone Nate: Wait. You don't mean...
Laurel: Oh yes.
Drone Nate: (Woefully) Oh rusts!
Drone Eli: What's she talking about?
Laurel: Oh, he knows what I'm talking about. Now get moving! I have some work to do here!
(Drones head away, Drone Nate grumbling.)
Laurel: And in third place, we have, Fire, extended version, by Tunmi!
(Scene ends with the act playing.)

Scene 3

(Drones Nate and Eli are entering Nate's old rooms.)
Drone Nate: I just think it’s absolutely unfair that Laurel wants tea from my secret stash. That’s for Lad’s Night!
Drone Eli: Then how’d she know about your secret stash, genius?
Drone Nate: …Error. Cannot compute.
Drone Eli: That’s not a real error message.
Drone Nate: Forget how she knows. She just does. 
Drone Eli: Wait. Wait wait wait. Isn’t there another coder’s hut back door in your room?
Drone Nate: Oh! Yes! So there is! Perfect for a quick hot fix during...
Drone Eli (suspicious): During what, exactly?
Drone Nate (loudly deflecting): Anyway, there's the coder's hut door! After you.
Drone Eli: Oh no. After you.
Drone Nate: Actually, we're small enough. We can both go!
Drones Nate and Eli: Hostly powers, here we come!
(As they move forward towards the door to the coder's hut, there is a click of some mechanics, and they freeze where they are.)
Drones Nate & Eli: …Uh-oh.
(Sproing. THOOM! They're dropped through a trap door that opens under them.)
Drone Eli: OW. What just happened?!
Drone Nate: That was not in the original schematics!
Drone Eli: Is this the hostly wine seller?
Drone Nate: It's lucky these thick plants were here to break our fall.
Billybob: Nah, bro. I don't think it was.
Drone Eli: (wincing) Ahh... Hi, Billybob.
Billybob: That's my secret stash. You can't just be ruining it with your falling bodies.
(Billybob floats around the room on a cloud of smoke.)
Drone Nate: I know how you feel.
Billybob: Do you though?
Drone Eli: (Intervening to stop Drone Nate getting smashed) I thought you were in Norway?
Billybob: I was!
Drone Eli: But you're back?
Billybob\; eh man. I just go where the plane takes me.
Drone Nate: Er....
Billybob: Talking of planes man, did you know that if you turn off the engines, then turn them back on again, it creates enough pressure to launch someone right out into the atmosphere?
Drone Eli: funny enough, I did know that!
Billybob: Anyway they gave me a gift bag. There was lots of cool stuff in it. Like an ID card, a turtle figurine, this shiny new bracelet I'm wearing on my wrist... And then somebody stuffed a bunch of crappy balloons in here for some reason.
Drone Nate: Hey! I coded that!
Billybob: Anyway man. It also had the second place result show entry.
Drone Eli: Oh? Who was it.
Billybob: who was who?
Drone Nate: The second place winner!
Billybob: there was a second place winner? Of what?
Drone Eli: Of the talent show!
Billybob: Oh! The second place winner of the talent show. Of course! That was Misty by TheRandomWriter. It's a great song. It'll calm my brain right down while I recompile yours for smashing my secret stash!
(The smoke around Billybob turns read and flows towards the two drones who dart off yelling.)
Drones Eli and Nate: Leg it!

Scene 4

(Eli's parlor is the focus of this scene, and Drones Eli and Nate enter, speaking tiredly.)
Drone Nate: Your room?! Why is the trophy in your room?!
Drone Eli: I don’t know! Why was second place in the wine seller?
Drone Nate: Uh... migration?
Drone Nate: Where's that trophy anyway?
Drone Eli: Oh right. It's ... oh.
(there is a heavenly choir sound from far above.)
Drones Eli and Nate: (Amazed) Up there.
Drone Nate: Look at that thing. Hosts could’ve just hovered up there and grabbed it.
Drone Eli: Yeah? Well we don’t need host powers to do a basic trophy run.
Drone Nate: ...You’re serious?
Drone Eli: I am. I’ve got grabbers and pride. Pass me that stool.
(pause)
Drone Nate: Pride and grabbers. Alright, let's do it.
Drone Eli: Give us a grabber arm, Drone Nate.
Drone Nate: (Beginning to climb) Budge up there!
Drone Eli: Oi! Watch where you're putting your grabbers!
Drone Nate: my vision is impaired!
Drone Eli: No it isn't. Just move your flaming eyestalk!
Drone Nate: Oh. I see the problem. Who puts something as sacred as the 13th episode of Doctor Who up here anyway?
Drone Eli: Ahh. I wondered where that'd gotten to. Not seen it since Halloween two years ago.
(There is the first cracking of wood.)
Drones Eli and Nate: You got to be kidding me!
(As they say this in unison, the shelf gives way beneath them, sending a cascade of junk down to smash around them.)
Drone Eli: (Muffled) That is it! Any number of hosts could have gotten the stupid trophy without even moving!
Drone Nate: But instead, they send us to do their dirty work! And for what?
Drone Eli: If I have to put up with this nonsense for one more blasted day, I'm going to explode!
Drone Nate: One more day? I'm not putting up with it for another hour!
Drone Eli: I swear, if one more host so much as looks at me funny—
Drone Nate: They just... float around. Snap their fingers. Dump work on us like we’re just code.
Drone Eli: I miss having opposable thumbs.
Drone Nate: I miss lad's night. And my chair.
(Beat. They sigh heavily.)
Drone Nate: Maybe we should’ve just asked to switch back.
Drone Eli: No. Pride and grabbers, remember?
(They sit in the wreckage for a beat. The door opens. Brandon, Laurel, Lilac, Sarafina, and Augustus enter.)
Laurel: (deadpan): You do know you can just run an eval and revert, right?
(Beat. The drones freeze.)
Drone Nate: …What?
Drone Eli: You got to be joking.
Brandon: Nope. One line of code. “Eval me:restore_host_form()” Even one of my cuddly babies could've figured that out.
(The code flows around them as they enter the evals in their minds one by one.)
Drone Nate: I hate everything.
Drone Eli: This changes nothing.
Gust: It really does though.
(Across the OOC landscape, they once more assume their hostly forms.)
Nate (stretching): I feel taller.
Eli I feel angrier.
Nate: Perfect.
Eli: You said we were stuck.
Nate: You said you couldn't feel your hostly powers!
Eli: Why, I aughta...
Nate: Bring it on, old man! If you think you're hard enough!
(They both gesture, and a blade appears from nowhere in Nate's hand while a cy-larkan module hums and a lightning blade springs from Eli's.)
Eli: come at me, bro!
(Clangs start as the two hosts begin battling.)
Sarafina: I swear. They get dumber and dumber each talent show.
Gust: I agree. Shame they couldn't get the first place trophy.
Lilac: You mean this trophy?
(Lilac fishes the trophy out of the debris with one finger snap.)
Gust: Oh yeah actually that's the one!
Brandon: Well, Lilac, Gust, would you  like to do the honors?
Gust: My pleasure.
Lilac: Totally!
Gust: The first place winner of...
Lilac: A Talent for Vengeance is ...
(Nate and Eli crash through the wall beside them and yell...)
Nate and Eli: Shelby1995 with Jaina from Warbringers!
Eli: Do you think we made it, old man?
Nate: Not sure. Did we?
(Brandon does his exasperated sigh.)
Laurel: Well, roll the act.
(The first place act plays to end the scene.)

Scene 5

(As the first place act ends, Drone 9300 is sullenly sweeping the admin area.)
Drone 9300: (Does some grumbling about cleaning.) parrot droppings, crumbs, oil cans! I should have known as soon as the show was over, it'd be business as usual.
(A shooting star comes hurtling down from above and turns into Nate, landing beside where 9300 is cleaning.)
Nate: hey drone.
Drone 9300: Nate.
Nate: Just getting a cup of British tea, don't mind me.
Drone 9300: I suppose you want me to make it for you. (Grumbles and begins moving towards the door.)
Nate: No no, you're fine. I've got it... You want some motor oil with Tabasco sauce? I know I make it the best.
Eli far off: No! He doesn't! Not nearly enough sauce!
Drone 9300: What?
Nate: Don’t listen to him. He thinks vinegar is a seasoning. Anyway, it’s thirty-weight, the good stuff.
(Beat)
Drone 9300: Wait. You're making me a treat? What do you want in return?
Nate: Nothing. I was fetching myself and Eli some tea, and you could use a treat. It's thirsty work, this cleaning up malarkey. Eli and I feel like we've been at it for half a bleeding century.
(Nate's old hostly powers gather around him, and wings glow on his back as he prepares to teleport.)
Nate: Anyway, old sport, was that a yes to the Tabasco sauce?
Drone 9300: (Sounding uncertain) Sure?
Nate: capital! Coming right up. Won't be a jiffy.
(Nate exits the room, and Drone 9300 slowly begins sweeping once more.)
Drone 9300: Hey... Maybe they have changed after all... though what's a jiffy?

The End